So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
