You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
