So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
