Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
