I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
