rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
