Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She's the barista slut.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
