operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
