Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
