Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
