watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
