What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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