What a fucking waste of an outfit
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
