I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
