But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
