i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
