are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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