Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
