you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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