You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
