I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
