And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I could fuck to npr.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
