after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
