Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
