I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
