just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
