I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
