There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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