I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
