I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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