too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize