im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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