just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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