I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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