I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
