guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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