When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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