I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
COCAINE IS GR8
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
