I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
