i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
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