just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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