Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
