you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
