Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
