so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
