you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
