I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Operation Purity has been aborted
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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