D3 body, D1 cock
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
