Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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