dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
