There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
